I am Willing to Witness My Fear

The first day of Miracles.  All about fear.  I always thought that I had no fears.  I have traveled the world alone, I meet people easily, I will talk to anyone, I’m outspoken at times, I teach yoga to a room full of people and speak in public… I’m used to being out there, in front of people, I’m not afraid of the world and I have no fears!

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Oh how wrong I was.  Once I started to re-evaluate my life and where I am at…which I’m doing because I’m ready to grow, learn more and change things (once more)…I saw lots of mean and ugly things come to the surface.

Shit.

Now I’m dealing with them.  Feeling these insecure, vulnerable, unworthy feelings come up.  It’s fear.  The little voice in my head that screams out, “You can’t because…., you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, tough enough, trained enough, etc.”. Fear.

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I now realize how I’ve been shooting myself down for many years because I don’t believe that I deserve things.  Thinking there is always someone better, prettier, smarter, sassier and more together than me.  And there is. For sure, there always is.  But its allowing these doubts to take hold of me and for me to believe them, that has been holding me back from being who I am and for shining the brightest that I can.

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So today I witnessed my fears and just observed as those voices crept up in situations. I listened and felt the fear and watched how I reacted to it, physically and mentally.

I had an interview today over the phone for a job I really want….taking people on outdoor adventure trips around the world.  It’s a start for me to get out in the world again and do what I love.  I was nervous as hell and had a moment of silence and calm before the interview.  I watched as my mind tried to sabotage my spirit with fear.  I told myself to breathe and believe that they want me because of who I am, my experience and my personality. Confidence. Clarity.  As soon as the interview was over, I heard the “fear voices” again…”I should’ve said this or that, I wasn’t clear enough,” etc…I began to recognize my patterning.

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Perfect day to be a witness to my fears.  Challenged to the highest degree.   I believe once we realize what our fears are and see how they affect our thought patterns, which, in turn, affects the way we live our lives, we have the ability to free ourselves from them.  It’s not easy to do this, but its possible.

We can choose love over fear. We can choose to believe the story in our minds and then we can gently push (or fiercely shove) it aside and choose loving, powerful thoughts that will change the way we think, believe and behave.

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So instead of “I’m not (this/that/the other) enough”, its “I am enough.  I am beautiful, smart, talented, worthy, loveable, etc.”.

Aren’t we all?  And shouldn’t we all believe this?

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