I Am Willing to See Love.

My summer song of 2012 was Love Melts Fear by the Kahn Brothers.  Selina and I cruised through the French countryside on our “Spread the Love Tour” listening to it hundreds of times and really loud.  It’s a gorgeous song and the title says it all.

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When I returned to Munich in August, I reconnected with my ex-boyfriend and we re-fell in love.  A dangerous thing to do.  In that moment, I was certain that I knew what it meant for love to melt fear.  Here, after all the heartbreak, struggle and pain that I went through with him, we were back together.  More in love than ever before and my fear had just melted away.

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Total bullshit.

All of the fear and pain that was tucked far back in my closet of memories, stashed high on shelves, came tumbling down. Being with him brought it all up again; the breakup, the heartache, the longing.  Things were going well between us, but within me there was a storm brewing. It was like a monster roaring its ugly head, screaming for me to look at it and face it.

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My body reacted to all these negative emotions as well and during this time, I was in physical therapy dealing with an IT band injury.  My body had held on to all of the suffering from our past.  Even though I was sure I was over it, once he stepped back into my life, my body reacted before my heart, mind or soul could.

I have always thought of love mostly in a romantic context.  Something that is outside of my own being, placing love on the object of my  affection. Feeling that if I find love with a man, I will be whole.  To me, love was gazing into each others eyes, feeling butterflies in my stomach, watching the fireworks explode as we come together.

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This is a part of love, for sure, but real love is something much deeper.  Its what you have after the butterflies have flown away and the ashes of the fireworks settle.

Love comes first from within and then it can be shared, spread and received.

My miracle work for the day was to be willing to see love instead of fear.  This struck a chord with me.  Love, which isn’t romantic, is what surrounds us; it creates our friendships, makes our hearts beat every day, bonds us to our families of origin and choice and to our animals.  It’s pretty much the basis of life.

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By surrendering and giving ourselves over to love, in its purity, we can truly melt fear.  I’m beginning to understand.

If every fear we have was approached from the eyes of love, understanding, compassion and tenderness, we wouldn’t need to be afraid.  Things would look and feel different.  We’d be softer, gentler, more accepting of whatever “flaw” is within us.

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I tried these “Love Glasses” on today, just to see.  They’ll take some getting used to because change doesn’t happen overnight.  But honestly, my heart opened a tiny bit more when I started to see myself in a perspective of love and kindness rather than what I don’t have or what I am not.  I repeated the mantra, ” I choose to see love instead of this…” each time my fear creeped in.  And something very subtly shifted.

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I’ve decided to keep the glasses (they’re super cute) and  begin the process of letting love melt my fear.  And then will I truly understand what the Kahn boys mean.

Check out their song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFTIirZLRng 

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